Wednesday, 10 January 2018

The freedom that isn't?

Today as I read about the freedom that I am to give myself, the 'making peace with food', I realise that over the past week since beginning the journey of learning how to eat intuitively I have given myself permission to eat each of the foods that I have had on my 'not allowed' lists. With each food, not only did I give myself permission to eat it, but also to eat as much of it as I could in one sitting. One week later, nothing I think about eating has any appeal. I'm struggling with meal times because I can't think of anything I'd like to eat at the moment. I wonder if this is a normal response and how long I might feel like this?

I call it the freedom that isn't because whilst I am free to eat anything I like whenever I like I have lost the interest in the food. I still don't have the sensations of hunger that I need to know when I am actually hungry and I haven't yet discovered satisfaction in food.

Alongside this though I have also spent some time in the last few days discovering activities that I enjoy doing that are helping me to move. I walked to deliver mail and have a relaxing coffee. I have been tidying up the garden and dancing around the house. 

Saturday, 6 January 2018


I am looking forward to the freedom that comes from knowing myself well enough to hear my body I am aware that I need to keep a good supply of food in the pantry and fridge so that I can meet my own food needs. Problem I feel a the moment is that I don't know what I 'like' to eat any more. I know the foods I have craved for so long but now that I have permission to eat anything I like and as much of it as I like I don't know what I'd like. Nothing seems to satisfy me now. How do I find the foods that will satisfy me?

So glad that Intuitive Eating (IE) includes warning and information about what to expect. I feel positive about this journey at the moment. I'm aware that there is likely to be times on this journey when I am not feeling so good about it. I know that my dissatisfactino at the moment is a temporary situation and I look forward to the time when I have moved into the space of knowing what satisfies me.

My aim in all of this though is to be more healthy. I know there is a long road ahead and I've got a lot to learn! Freedom does not come cheap even though it's free!

Wednesday, 3 January 2018


Every day I resolve to eat more healthily and do some exercise to improve my well-being. Every day I get to the end of the day annoyed with myself for not doing all that I could have towards being healthier. I spend almost all day every day arguing with myself about why I am/am not going to eat that food or do that activity.

Recently I began reading a book (recommended by the Healthy Food Guide) called Intuitive Eating. I also got the workbook and have signed up for the community. It is a very freeing read. I'm sure that inside it describes the food relationship and inner voice for everyone in there somewhere. For me the biggest eye opener was the statement,
...dieting rules also trigger an inner rebellion, because they are an assault on your personal autonomy and boundaries. 
Tribole, Evelyn. The Intuitive Eating Workbook: Ten Principles for Nourishing a Healthy Relationship with Food (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) (Kindle Locations 618-619). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition. 
I know that it is rebellion that leads to my poor choices. My desire to be in control of me and not be dictated to or required to fit a mold. As well as not wanting to feel deprived.

The book helped me to see that I have been on a 'diet' my whole life. In this case I am defining a diet as being a set of rules about what I can and can't eat (good vs bad food) and how much exercise and when to exercise. Whilst I have been successful on occasions in losing some weight (and on others of just maintaining it) I have generally not felt good about it.

Today, I resolve to give up dieting. I realise that this is going to be a process and there will be times when I am not aware of the diet mentality creeping in but each day I am going to work on using the language of Intuitive Eating.

Am I hungry?
Do I want it?
Will I be deprived if I don't eat it?
Will it be satisfying?
Will it taste good?
I deserve to enjoy eating without guilt.

I focus on the way exercise makes me feel especially the energising and stress-relieving factors.

Progress indicators
I know when I am hungry and when I am full.
I trust my body cues.
I trust my food choices.
I feel good and enjoy exercise and food.

Sunday, 31 December 2017

To resolve or not to resolve - that is the question!

Every year I hear the conversations about making New Year's resolutions. I've also heard the many people who have chose to shift away from the language of resolution and use 'Goal Setting'. When you look up the definition of resolution though these remain one and the same.

The Miriam-Webster Dicitionary defines resolution as:

a formal expression of opinion, will, or intent voted by an official body or assembled group.

I realised today that my reasons for not making New Year's resolutions was because I didn't stick with them. The truth is though that God calls us to make a resolution daily. 

Ephesians 4:22-23 says,

22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Also, Romans 12:2 says,

'Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.'

This makes me consider that perhaps New Year's resolutions are actually something I should be

engaging in. But beyond that is the need to make New Day's resolutions. The continual renewal of my mind.


Thursday, 16 June 2016

What more is there to say?

Was reminded about this quote today,

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

There is a difference between knowing and doing though. Over the past two days I have been engaged in a very confronting course called, "INSPIRATIONAL & INNOVATIVE LEADERSHIP: "LEADING OTHERS" presented by Joan Baker ( While I am not currently in a leadership role I was privileged to have the opportunity and am very aware of how much my personal development could benefit from this opportunity. 

It is going to take me a long time to process the things that were shared over these two days and it would be so easy to take these things and spend time processing as an excuse to not act. The great thing is that Joan gave us some very specific tools that can be used despite not being in a leadership role that can help to prepare me for whatever is next. Things that I know already, that I have the skills for already but that my mindset and habits are interfering with. I loved how she also shared with us some resources that we can turn to to continue to get motivation and development for ourselves. 

A couple of things that are sitting at the front of my mind are:
1. The importance of asking the right questions. 
 - of myself firstly
 - of the systems and about the culture of the organisations I am involved in
 - of those I lead.

2. The importance of leading by example.

3. The importance of Health and Wellbeing in leadership.

4. The importance of knowing the 'WHY'.
 - Why are we doing what we are doing?
 - Why is it important?

5. The importance of keeping the 'WHY' in front of everyone.

6. The role of habits/behaviours.

Joan shared the acronym K.A.S.H
Knowledge - you either have it or need to get it to do the job.
Attitude [mindset] - what are the 'truths' that are influencing your decisions? Are you asking the right questions?
Skills - like knowledge, you either have them or need to get them to do the job.
Habits [behaviours] - What do you need to stop doing or start doing to represent the things that you purport to value?

Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Day 6 and counting

So today is day three of the changes I am making to my food choices. I have to say I am not so keen on black coffee. I am assured that this will change the longer I can go.  It has been a tough few days and I have had a couple of close calls. Especially as plans needed to be adjusted to fit family. I managed to be strong enough to get through the cravings though and with the help of some salted nuts managed to make it through to a late lunch one day.

I was really surprised on day 3 when I just wasn't hungry. Just the thought of eating at lunchtime made me feel ill. So I had to skip a meal.

I watched 'That Sugar Film' today. There have been so many people and sites that have espoused the health benefits of removing sugar from the choices. It is amazing just how many things it is in though. I have been struggling to find alternative snack items that don't contain some kind of sugar in them...argh!

Will keep looking. Hoping our friend Google will help out here. Having already found NZ Sugar Free I am now looking forward to lots of reading and research to find alternatives.

Moving right along! Roll on good health, more energy and clearer skin.

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

Becoming All I Can

I am very aware that my health is not all it could be. I am also aware that I need to begin somewhere to fix it. The problems are abundant and I have had an abundance of advice on what to do to improve it. I am very aware that my diet is appalling and I have many terrible habits that have developed around food both the choices and the way I eat. My relationship with food is not healthy and so I am working through a process of trying to fix it. I am beginning the The Whole30®. This is an attempt to reset my habits and my food choices. 

When I read through the material I was surprised and thrilled that coffee can remain (though black and sugarless). In order to prepare for this I have created myself a Google Form (see below) that will allow me to plan one day. It is quite basic but it contains the key information that I will need.

This blog is one of the ways I am working through the programme. Sharing what I am doing with others and enlisting help. If you know me and you are reading this then you can help me:

  • Help me make good 'whole' choices at meal times.
  • Remind me to sit away from the computer, put down my book and turn off the TV at meal times.
  • Ask me out for a social walk somewhere. If you do this make sure it's not obvious to me that you are trying to get me walking 'for my sake'. I tend to get annoyed when other people try to organise me! (Apologies in advance if I get snappy about this.)
  • Remind me to enjoy every mouthful of my food!
  • Don't offer me soft drinks, alcohol, chocolate, cakes, biscuits or chips! I find it really hard to say no.
  • And last but not least, let me know if you notice a change in my skin condition or how healthy I am looking. Please don't comment on my weight. I find it really annoying getting a running commentary from everyone I see. Remember I am aiming for healthier!
Why am I doing this? I often want to be involved in activities like kayaking, hiking, swimming, snorkelling etc and always feel like there are reasons that I cannot. I want to be fit and healthy but feel uncomfortable doing the activities I need to improve fitness because I am concerned about how I look. I am also fed up with having to take antibiotics to clear up my face and am hoping that this process will clear up my skin and highlight if there are foods which are impacting on this problem.

Thanks in advance to all my friends and family who love me and will support me as I work through this process. I apology for anyone I may offend as I go through the learning process and deal with changes in lifestyle and how that might affect my moods in the process. I especially want to thank my husband, Carl, whose love and care are always comforting. I know he will be 100% supportive of this as he is with all of the hair-brained schemes I've come up with over the years!