Changing my Way of Eating for Life

 It's been such a long time since I've posted on this blog. It's been a blog for everything in my life in the past. I read the last post Jan 2018 and realised how much I have grown in that area. I also realised how we build our own food philosophy and plans through the accumulation of knowledge. Not just knowledge about food though. Also, learning about how your own body interacts with food and exercise. 

For many years I knew I had the informational knowledge I needed to make a change. I just couldn't stick with anything. I had hoped that the Intuitive Eating (IE) way of looking at food would help get me over the line. In the end I didn't stick with that. 

At the end of that year (2018) though I had an appointment with the doctors. They put me on to a (free) health coach at their clinic that worked with me over the Christmas holidays. They gave me a meal journal (I hate those) to record all my meals. That in itself made me more aware of what I was choosing to eat. She also recommended I move to a Low Carb High Fat diet (LCHF). This was contrary to all I had read, heard and thought I knew about food. I was cynical. She gave me a website to look up, Diet Doctor. 

I went away and did my research and found lots of information both for and against this way of eating (WOE). I saw that it wouldn't take much to change my current WOE to this plan. I still had the 'treats' (donuts, chocolate, lollies) once a week and I expected a reprimand for them. The coach though looked at my journal each week and said, "You are doing better than I do." This made me feel like perhaps following this WOE would be achievable. I then added in 40min each day.

Contrary to many of the objections to this WOE there are lots of vegetables and some fruits allowed so you can still do 5+ a day. It's just that I was now allowed to have bacon, cream, and keep the fat on the meat so I could eat the chicken skin without feeling guilty. Perhaps this is where the LCHF plan and the IE plan met for me? Now I was eating guilt free.

I joined a gym (hated every minute of it initially) and allowed the staff, posters and regular measuring to help me stay motivated. I went 6 days a week and it was manageable at 6am - walk to the gym, 30min, walk home. I started to see and feel the results. I even became more aware of how food affected my mood and body. Now I realised that my wellbeing was being positively impacted and I liked the change so staying with this WOE was easy. Again, I still allowed myself to go outside of the plan on occasions e.g. special events, caught 'out' without the right foods.

Then

Now

Foods I have made that meet this WOE! Don't miss out!

The freedom that isn't?

Today as I read about the freedom that I am to give myself, the 'making peace with food', I realise that over the past week since beginning the journey of learning how to eat intuitively I have given myself permission to eat each of the foods that I have had on my 'not allowed' lists. With each food, not only did I give myself permission to eat it, but also to eat as much of it as I could in one sitting. One week later, nothing I think about eating has any appeal. I'm struggling with meal times because I can't think of anything I'd like to eat at the moment. I wonder if this is a normal response and how long I might feel like this?

I call it the freedom that isn't because whilst I am free to eat anything I like whenever I like I have lost the interest in the food. I still don't have the sensations of hunger that I need to know when I am actually hungry and I haven't yet discovered satisfaction in food.

Alongside this though I have also spent some time in the last few days discovering activities that I enjoy doing that are helping me to move. I walked to deliver mail and have a relaxing coffee. I have been tidying up the garden and dancing around the house. 

Freedom?

I am looking forward to the freedom that comes from knowing myself well enough to hear my body I am aware that I need to keep a good supply of food in the pantry and fridge so that I can meet my own food needs. Problem I feel a the moment is that I don't know what I 'like' to eat any more. I know the foods I have craved for so long but now that I have permission to eat anything I like and as much of it as I like I don't know what I'd like. Nothing seems to satisfy me now. How do I find the foods that will satisfy me?

So glad that Intuitive Eating (IE) includes warning and information about what to expect. I feel positive about this journey at the moment. I'm aware that there is likely to be times on this journey when I am not feeling so good about it. I know that my dissatisfactino at the moment is a temporary situation and I look forward to the time when I have moved into the space of knowing what satisfies me.

My aim in all of this though is to be more healthy. I know there is a long road ahead and I've got a lot to learn! Freedom does not come cheap even though it's free!

Revelations

Every day I resolve to eat more healthily and do some exercise to improve my well-being. Every day I get to the end of the day annoyed with myself for not doing all that I could have towards being healthier. I spend almost all day every day arguing with myself about why I am/am not going to eat that food or do that activity.

Recently I began reading a book (recommended by the Healthy Food Guide) called Intuitive Eating. I also got the workbook and have signed up for the community. It is a very freeing read. I'm sure that inside it describes the food relationship and inner voice for everyone in there somewhere. For me the biggest eye opener was the statement,

...dieting rules also trigger an inner rebellion, because they are an assault on your personal autonomy and boundaries. 

Tribole, Evelyn. The Intuitive Eating Workbook: Ten Principles for Nourishing a Healthy Relationship with Food (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) (Kindle Locations 618-619). New Harbinger Publications. Kindle Edition. 

I know that it is rebellion that leads to my poor choices. My desire to be in control of me and not be dictated to or required to fit a mold. As well as not wanting to feel deprived.

The book helped me to see that I have been on a 'diet' my whole life. In this case I am defining a diet as being a set of rules about what I can and can't eat (good vs bad food) and how much exercise and when to exercise. Whilst I have been successful on occasions in losing some weight (and on others of just maintaining it) I have generally not felt good about it.

Today, I resolve to give up dieting. I realise that this is going to be a process and there will be times when I am not aware of the diet mentality creeping in but each day I am going to work on using the language of Intuitive Eating.

Food
Am I hungry?
Do I want it?
Will I be deprived if I don't eat it?
Will it be satisfying?
Will it taste good?
I deserve to enjoy eating without guilt.

Exercise
I focus on the way exercise makes me feel especially the energising and stress-relieving factors.

Progress indicators
I know when I am hungry and when I am full.
I trust my body cues.
I trust my food choices.
I feel good and enjoy exercise and food.